We are two teenage girls, Lux Black and Andie Flowers. We live in a beautiful, disastrous small town. We are best friends with an appetite for destruction, intoxication, and beauty and, naturally, we have lots of thoughts. Here is a collection of our communications, thoughts, and other things we enjoy.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Dear Andie,
A lot of thoughts have been rushing around inside my head and it feels like if I don’t let them go, let them go free and say what they need to say, then they will claw their way out of me. In fact, I feel them in this every moment jumping around inside the tops of my fingers as if almost bursting through the skin.
Do you ever feel like you live in two alternate universes? A universe where you are sober, and a universe where you are not. Like right above you at this very moment is a clone of yourself, the drunk you, the high you. And the reason we seek them so desperately is because they are fascinating and mystical. We would like to imagine ourselves in black and white, tipping our heads back and laughing the sound of rainbows. We imagine ourselves in satin and fur with a champagne glass in our hands and an old-fashioned channel cigarette container. Because in reality, who knows who we are when we’re fucked up? We do not; and that is all the truly matters. We do not know who we are so who does that make us?
We constantly seek intoxication because we constantly seek our alternate universes. We will never fully cross over- for then we would not know- but we keep pushing the lines, seeing how far we can get before we’re lost. We crave a world that we know in reality is intangible, impossible, yet maybe that is why we like it so much.
The other world knows who we are too. They are curious of us in the same way that we are curious of them. Yet they fear us. They do not understand how we can prosper in a world full of such evil.
Have you ever had a split second of extreme awareness before you black out drunk for the night? It almost appears to go in slow motion and contains the occasional coloring effect, as if you are watching it from behind a 50’s style television. The world spins, some slow motion singing and dancing and laughing. Then bam….You crossed the line. You have had you’re fair share of that world, and that is the closest you will ever get.
The madness is what constitutes addiction. We crave the way we feel when we’re high because we imagine that is what it would feel like to be in our own fantasy world. We crave a world where anything is possible, and just imagine what gives us that world?
Yet we know we will never truly remember a feeling of extreme intoxication. Think back to the last time you did a drug. Ecstasy? Mushrooms? Even Alcohol? Can you really and truly remember what it felt like at that exact moment? You know you will never place it again. You remember remembering the feeling, you remember feeling whatever it was, powerful, glamorous, mysterious, that you wanted to be in your alternate universe yet you will never place your finger on the exact same feeling as in that moment ever again.
Stay Golden Ponyboy,
Lux
